The BIG Announcement is...

that Fifi, Buddy and I are hoping to add another child to our family!

Unfortunately, we don't have the resouces to be able to return to Russia for a third (actually 5th and 6th) time. But instead we've embarked on a new journey. I'm currently (officially) in the process to foster/foster to adopt through my local county Department of Children's Services.

To tell you the truth, I'm a bit afraid of the whole process and spend most of my time imagining adorable children given to more worthy couples. Like elementary gym class I envision being the last one picked. But I'm trying to have faith that this is the process and the time.

What we expect...

I was thinking today about the book series "What to Expect" You know, When You're Expecting, The Toddler Years etc. (There should be an adoption one, but that's a whole different topic)

I was thinking about what I expected before I adopted. I just can't remember. I think I just had fuzzy visions of my daughter and I snuggled up in a rocking chair. But now as I ponder a third adoption, I realized how much my expectations have changed. I guess the thing about children, is that you should expect anything.

Now, while I still expect late night cuddles and milky kisses, but I'm more realistic. The now-experienced adoptive mommy I've grown to be, expects them to have trouble adjusting, that they will misbehave at times, be funny, make me laugh, make my cry, break my heart while they're making it sing.

I expect they will knock over their milk at dinner, refuse to eat their green beans, make me hand prints for mother’s day, pick me dandelions, be afraid during thunderstorms, make a mess with their toys, fight with their siblings. I expect they will need help, love, understanding and guidance to reach their potential and grow to be whatever God has planned for them.

Back to our regular scheduled programing...

Last week's topic went a little around the bend, so I guess I'll come back to what we were talking about last week. Just to refresh your memory and mind, it was the decision to adopt vs. the motivation to adopt.

When I first thought about it, I assumed they were pretty much the same thing. But the more I though about it, the more I realized that they were pretty different.

I've been considering for some time, adopting another child. But I hadn't really made a decision or been motivated to do much about it. When I starting looking serously, I realized that the prices had dramatically increased these last four years...and they had certainly out paced my income.

International Adoption is pretty much just out. There is no way I can afford any programs that I am eligible for, being single.

I'm considering foster to adopt and Domestic African American adoption. Both make me nervous. Foster to Adopt because it might not work out and if I didn't it would probably break my heart and AA adoption because birth mother's choose the parents.

It just brings back visions of elementary school gym class and always being chosen last :-)

But serously, the thought of competing for a child makes me nervous and I'm not sure it's for me.

For right now, I'm not sure what I'm going to do. I guess I'll just have to wait and see what path God has waiting for us.

Report Card Day

There is nothing so scary than report card day when you are a little kid. Even if you know you've been doing well, its still scary.

Well, today was that day in the Sellers' household. Fifi played it cool. After school I asked her about her report card and she handed it over, seemingly unbothered, and ran off with her friend who was visiting after school.

I opened the envelope and peered inside, my heart thudding as if the grades on the form were my own.

Her report card was perfect. Not just really good, but altogether no grade less than the best. I knew it would be very good, so I wasn't really surprised. She's an extremely bright little girl who loves school. But perfect. That caught me by surprise.

Then I remembered a day six years ago when a Doctor measured her head and looked at me with a look of pity before advising me I should start thinking about my options for custodial care. In his opinion she would never be able to function independently. Her head was too small for her to have an IQ in the normal range. She'd never, ever read. He said her head would not grow normally, never catch up and never hit the dreaded "growth curve."

And he was right, sort of. Her head never did hit the curve, but now she is seven they've stopped measuring it, there is no curve anymore. I've even stopped measuring it. :-)

Her IQ is higher than most, she's reading chapter books in first grade and has just brought home a report card that put a tear in her mother's eye.

What a girl I have. What a lucky, lucky Mommy I am.