Sleepless nights and my favorite adoption quote...

Buddy has been been up at night a lot this week. He has an ear infection and he's been having "growing pains" in his legs. After a couple of sleepless nights, I'm pretty much "knackered" as my New Zealand friends would say.

Last night I was up with Buddy until the wee hours of the morning. He's got a bad infection and Mommy is bleary eyed today. He's been to the doctor and he's on the mend with hardly a hitch.

Thinking about sleepless nights got my thinking about my favorite adoption quote...

"Our children are not ours because they share our genes...they are ours because we have had the audacity to envision them. That, at the end of the day...or long sleepless night, is how love really works." --Anonymous

I love that word. Audacity. President Obama used it in his book, "Audacity of Hope" which someday I hope to have a spare moment to read. Maybe when the kids are in middle school.

Dictionary.com defines it as: au⋅dac⋅i⋅ty  [aw-das-i-tee] –noun, plural -ties. 1. boldness or daring, esp. with confident or arrogant disregard for personal safety, conventional thought, or other restrictions.

Adoption is not for those who can easily accept the status quo but for those who are not bothered by challanging it. We have the courage to do what others would not or would only imagine. That's what most of us who adopt, do. Especially those of us who adopt on our own. Single parenting is not for the faint of heart or faith. It is also not for those who require great amounts of sleep!

But it is for those of us to dream of a life bigger than the one we have--for those of us who, though not unafraid, still search for our own dream and build our lives as we envision them.

I'm finding that each time is a little different and takes a different kind of courage. The first time it was mainly fear of the unknown. The second time it was mostly fear of how this new child would effect the one I already had and the fact he was a boy. I haven't had such a great track record where men are conserned :-)

This time its all a lot calmer and I am worrying less. If my children have taught me anything, it is to have faith and hold on for the ride.

Ggggrrrrrr!

Blogger is hating me today.

The post I worked on last night for an hour didn't post this morning as I had planned.

I did have a bit of good news though. The Case Worker at DCS is processing my paperwork today. She said it looks really good. Only one paper was included that didn't need to be and she is going to send that back to me so I can send it to the correct place.

The only thing I have left to do it finish up the training and have the two homestudy meetings. One will be at the social workers office and one will be at the house with the kids.

I'm a little nervous about that one. Not about the house, or the kids...but in 10 years of adopting and post placements, I've only ever worked with Ruth, our beloved social worker/mentor/now friend. Ruth and I were always on the same page when it came to my family, the roll of God in creating it and pretty much everything else. Now there's going to be somebody new to get to know. I have to trust that's going to go fine. I'm finding it easier to maintain calm so far. :-)

I'm still a control freak when it comes to the paperwork and getting things done but I am working on having faith it will all be done in the right amount of time to find the child waiting for us.

I'm breathing deep and trying to enjoy the process. So far so good.

A Little Less Freaky

Saturday was my first "FAKT" class. FAKT stands for Foster Adopt Kinship Training. I was dreading the time away from the kids and pretty much dreading the class. I mean, I've adopted and parented two children for quite some time now. I really didn't think they had much to teach me.

And maybe they didn't really. Most of the information I've heard before. But there was one really neat bonus.

Adoption is a very solitary process. I did the paperwork alone, the homestudy alone and for the most part, the waiting alone. My family tried to be supportive, but they really couldn't understand what I was going through. Especially the first time, I made friends on line to share the horrible wait. I went on my first trip for Sophie alone and both trips for Max were by myself.

It was cool to be with a group of people all wanting the same thing....to help children. There were folks there who wanted only to foster, but most of the people there are hoping to adopt. Most in the same age range as I am. That doesn't bode well for my chances of being placed with a newborn with all of those couples, but instead of filling me with dread, I'm okay with it. For today, I'm just going to enjoy the company.

Hurdles

Today I received the first criminal clearance back for foster care. One hurdle down and hundreds more to go. I'm not good at this part of the process...the hurry up and wait part.

I'm GREAT at completing paperwork. Give me a task to do and I'm happy. Make me feel like I'm accomplishing something or getting closer to my child and I'm ecstatic.

Wasted time, wasted efforts = waiting longer and my child waiting longer and I'm grumpy.

People always say how "lucky" I was to get to pick up my kids when they were only 8 months old. That is almost unheard of when you're adopting from Russia. Now, it's not even legal as the kids need to stay on the registry far longer. And I was lucky, but I was also determined. I never wasted a moment or an opportunity. I had my friend become a notary, purchased a fax machine and opened a FedEx account. I could have any document completed and appostiled at the Secretary of States office in two days, one if I drove it there.

I took the paperwork WITH me on trip one that most people came home and spent a month or more working on after their return. That meant I picked my son up when he was eight months and one day old. The couple I traveled with one trip one waited six months longer because they got caught up in a reorganization.

There is so little any Adoptive Parent can control in the process of adoption. For us control freaks, that's a challenge. I have a very funny story about control and what I learned about it on the way to pick up my son. I'll tell you about it tomorrow...