Choices

This weekend I met an amazing lady. She was one of the instructors at my FAKT training. She has 4 children and adopted some of them. I'm not sure exactly how many but one of the kids she adopted has severe CP. He has been with her since he left the Neo-natal ICU and is now about 14 or so.

Unlike having a biological child, every parent that adopts has a huge choice to make. Sometimes that's a blessing and sometimes it's a curse. When I adopted my son there were several children I was presented with I knew I wasn't the best parent for. There was the little boy of the boy/girl twins who appeared to be very disabled...the adorable bright eyed little guy whose bladder was on the outside instead of the inside and the sibbling group of three little boys that would have overwhelmed us and our tiny little house.

Even nearly five years later, I remember their little faces. I never met any of them, so it wasn't like losing Yan durning the journey to Fifi...but it was hard. It made me doubt myself a made me wonder if I was a good enough person to be a mother at all. I would have accepted any of these children had they been born to me biologically. I wouldn't have placed triplets for adoption or made an adoption plan for either of those special needs boys. So why did I decline to adopt them?

Even after all of this time, I still don't know the answers. Part of me thinks it wasn't right to treat these children any differently. That it is just another bias of a system that gives them the short end of the stick. But the other, more pragmatic part of me understands that I wasn't the best parent for any of them. I knew they needed more than I'd be able to give and I knew it would change the life of the child I'd already promised to raise. So they stayed in Russia and I brought Buddy home and while I give thanks everyday I didn't miss out on the oportunity to be his mom, I still wonder about those other boys...the ones I left behind.

I hope they are all in families who are able to give them the love and care they need to grow and flourish. Unfortunatly, I'll never know. But I say a pray for them from time to time and have faith that they, as well as I, am where we need to be.

More Ideas...

On-line Sales

This is also something I did a lot of. I sold excess collectibles on eBay and books on Amazon. It adds up very quickly and soon word spread and lots of people were giving me their old books to sell as well.

Get a Second Job or Work Overtime

This would be difficult to do with other children in the home, but doable for some with extra time on their hands. I have also heard of parents who have done customer service from home as well as mystery shopping on the weekends.

Freelance

There are several websites available to find freelance work. Guru.com, bills themselves as the world’s largest service marketplace. There are others including www.eLance.com and http://www.rentacoder.com/.
I earned several hundred dollars by writing catalog copy for ecommerce sites. I described lamps, wallpaper, mirrors, pictures, wedding favors and picnic baskets.If writing hundreds of product descriptions doesn’t seem up your alley, there are many other offerings to choose from including website design, finance and accounting, administrative projects and telemarketing, just to name a few.

Churches and Organizations

Churches and other service organizations are often more than happy to help with fundraising for your adoption. Even if you don’t feel comfortable asking for donations of cash, there are plenty of ways people can get involved.
If you are adopting internationally, many programs ask you to bring orphanage donations. If you’re fully decked out in baby gear, have a donations shower instead.

Control Freaks and Adoption

There is no greater proof that God has a sense of humor than the fact he puts adoption in the heart of control freaks like me. There is SO nothing worse. No only are you not able to control the process, but the people that do are usually control freaks too.

But I digress from the point of this post. When I was going back to Russia for court to pick up Buddy every single flight I was on was delayed...and there were a lot.

My town to Chicago
Chicago to Frankfort (where my bags were lost)
Franfort to Moscow (changed airports)
Moscow to Vladivostok

That was how it was supposed to go. I left my town on Monday morning and I didn't arrive in Vladivostok until Wednesday after 8 pm. And I didn't stay the night anywhere.

On Tuesday night I finally boarded the plane to Vlad from Moscow. I thought I was finally going to get there. We flew for 9 or 10 hours and I was the only English speaking person on board. All of the announcements at the airport and on the plane were in Russian.

I'd been to Vlad before and when the plane touched down I didn't know where I was, but I knew I wasn't in Vladivostok. It was a holiday and everyone on the plane had been drinking red wine and eating Pringles. Needless to say, they were very tipsy and many were making use of the airsick bags. Several fell down the stairs from the plane. Cheers broke out when they righted themselves at the bottom.

I followed everyone into the terminal which was really just an unheated room. The temperature in Siberia in January was well below zero. Out the door I could see a dog eating a frozen bird on the runway. I still had no idea where I was. I couldn't even read the signs. The Russian alphabet is NOT like ours.

Some of the people left the building and others stood around to wait. I wasn't sure what was going on, but I figured it was my best bet to wait with them. When I didn't show up, surely someone would try to find me.

I waited for an hour or so, then I went to the kiosk in the corner and bought something to drink, which in hindsight was a mistake because I then had to use a fairly frightening bathroom. I walked around and pointed at my watch, then flapped my arms like a bird and said Vladivostok but mostly I just got shrugs and blank stares.

At the point when all of your understanding and ability to communicate is stripped from you, there's nothing left to go on except faith. I was scared, didn't know who these people were, snatched from everything that was familiar to me surrounded by a language I didn't understand and had no away to communicate. Kind of like the baby I was picking up.

I had to have faith that God was going to take care of me like I was going to take care of Buddy. I was scared but I had to trust. There was nothing else to do.

I evenually followed the crowd and got to Vladivostok. I was greated by my translator, driver and one of my bags. I went to court. I picked up Buddy.

A lot has happened since that day, but I hope I never forget what it felt like to rely on faith alone. I hope God doesn't have to go to such an extreme again to get my attention.

Fund Raisers

I have known parents who did everything from hosting events to running marathons. I had a Tupperware party and the sales person who was a good friend, allowed me to keep all of the profits.

http://www.fundraser-finder.com/

http://www.fundraising.com/ and

http://www.fundraisingdeals.com/

are good resources.

I've known people who sent out newsletters to friends and community members, telling their story and asking for financial support. Some have organized a community benefit concerts and an auctions of donated arts and crafts. One couple I met hosted a community spaghetti dinner with bingo and a raffle. Through such creative fundraising events and a great deal of dedication and hard work, they were all able to make their dreams come true.

I think you can too.